God is good all the time.

I have a friend who is going through a divorce. As we were talking this morning, she said that her finding out about her husband’s infidelity was “Only a God thing”, to which I replied, “Amen!”.  

Twenty-something me would have never thought of saying Amen. She would have crumbled at the thought of finding out that her partner was unfaithful. She would have told Jesus to just come and get her now because there is no hope for tomorrow and the world, as we know it, is doomed. Twenty-something me didn’t realize that she was on the cusp of almost-thirty-something me who was about to discover her own husband’s infidelity… and the reason that almost-forty-something me is saying Amen.  

At the beginning of 2009, my first husband and I had two in elementary and one on the way. We had just moved into a new home, I had started a new job, and we were actively involved in our first church plant. Life was pretty good. One morning, I was sitting at my office desk when I mistakenly came across an email that my husband had sent to one of our friends in the church. It said that he needed to talk about some things he had done. My heart sank, and I immediately did what I can only assume any other woman would have done - I called my husband and proceeded to ask what the eff! That email discovery led to many more discoveries, and nine months later, I was divorced. That’s not to say I didn’t fight for my marriage, because I did. It’s actually embarrassing to see how hard I fought when I look back. It’s crazy to think of where I might have stayed if God hadn’t let me see certain things.  

There were several events that happened over those nine months where I found myself begging God for the bad news to stop. I could not understand how the God that I was taught to bring all my troubles to was not intervening. I could not wrap my brain around everything that was happening. There are still some things that I don’t quite understand, but I do know now that God was saving me from a loveless marriage. 

A few months after I found the email, in one of many desperate attempts to save my marriage, I secured my husband a beach house for a weekend. I packed his bible and guitar and suggested that he spend time in solitude, hoping that he would have his Come to Jesus moment and want to reconcile so we could live happily ever after. I informed the pastor, the worship team, our friends, my bible study group, and a few family members about the plan so that they could intercede in prayer as well. He left for the two-hour drive up the coast and I tried to keep myself as busy as humanly possible. After about 24 incredibly long hours, my pastor called, “Mandy, I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it.”  

I sat down, took a deep breath, and prepared myself for what he was about to tell me.  

“Your husband isn’t at the beach by himself.”  

What could he possibly mean? I helped him pack. I watched him drive off.  

He continued, “His phone dialed me by mistake, and I was able to hear several minutes of him and what was clearly another woman on the other side. They were flirting and giggling and clearly talking about things that only people who are more than friends talk about.”  

I was devastated.  

He then told me something that made me furious, not at my husband this time but at him, “Mandy, sometimes marriages are not salvageable and it’s time to start praying for your healing and get you a good attorney.”  

Ooooh I was angry! How could the pastor give up? How could he not believe in miracles? In the God that he preaches about every Sunday? It just didn’t make sense.  

But he was right. No matter how much I prayed. No matter how much I begged and pleaded, my marriage was coming to an end. Boxes were packed and papers were served. I got a good attorney, and my relationship with my soon-to-be ex-husband became a series of business interactions with a person I didn’t even know or care to know anymore. Whether I liked it or not - I was a broke single-mama divorcee who needed to forgive her pastor.  

When I look back to that year almost fourteen years ago, I can clearly see why my husband butt dialed my pastor. God was saying, “Child, this isn’t serving you or your children anymore and it is only going to cause more harm than good. I know this is going to hurt like hell, but I will carry you when the weight is too much. You are more precious than rubies and deserve so much more than this.” 

Over my lifetime, I’ve been angry at God more than once over bad news. Who are we kidding? It sucks! But if we can take the time to accept what we cannot change and sit with the “hard” for a little while - trusting that there is a bigger plan in the works, God will show us why we had to face the bad before He could reveal the good. There will always be ups and downs in life - it’s all about how we ride the waves and learn to say “amen”! 

Blessings on Blessings,