I’m not the religious type.
“This rigid dichotomy of holy and profane, of vowed and unvowed…it sterilizes us. Not everyone fits into those boxes to begin with, almost no one fits entirely into them, and then there are those of us who experience God so differently from what is sanctioned and prescribed that even the mere idea of boxes is…limiting.”
― Sierra Simone
My heart aches when I meet someone who doesn’t believe in God. Not always, but typically, it’s because somewhere in their story, they have been hurt or abused by a religious system.
I want to beg and plead with them, “But you don’t know Him like I do!”
It doesn’t work this way - and rightfully so!
You wouldn’t put a physical assault survivor in a room full of swinging fists in order to heal, so why would you put a spiritual abuse survivor back in a room full of Christians? Plus, healing takes time. It is a time frame that no one can outline for you. Sometimes it involves divine intervention, sometimes it involves grit and digging into the hard stuff even when you don’t want to, and sometimes it takes a ton of self-love and patience. Sometimes healing happens, and unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t.
I am a spiritual abuse survivor. My grandfather was a pastor. I grew up in the church. This is not my story (you gotta read the book for that one!), but I have seen so much and even heard about so much more… I have known men that have claimed to be Christians that have raped women. I have known of men and women that have abused others physically, mentally, financially, and sexually. Teenage pregnancies (gasp) where Christian parents forced adoption or abortion. Cyberbullying, Bullying, Embezzlement, Fraud, Gossip, Slander, Racism, and yes, even murder. Abuse and trauma happen within religious systems and Christian homes just like they do in the real world, but spiritual abuse comes into play when scripture or religion is misused to back it up. (https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-spiritual-abuse)
I am also a Christian who is healing. Jesus swept in and told me that the “spiritual box” that I was born into didn’t define me - that my relationship was solely between Him and me, and nothing else mattered. He told me that I could shed the weight of “spiritual expectation”, judgment, and lies about motherhood, marriage, family, friendships, religion, race, sex, and so much more.
Life can be messy and full of unexpected twists that make us behave in a way that someone from the outside looking in might think is wrong from a religious standpoint, but when you have a personal relationship with The Big Man Upstairs and you are walking in the freedom that comes with that, the game changes.
I dug into my bible last week looking for a deeper meaning behind Holy Week. I actually found a lot, but a few of these things that stood out to me the most were 1. That Jesus died for everyone - not a select group. 2. When his disciples asked him the meaning of it all, in short, it’s Love. 3. The veil was torn from sky to earth and has way more meaning than we can comprehend, but it defied the laws and boundaries set by religion (who are we kidding, the whole week did). and 4. Not everyone understood.
If you’re reading this today and have been abused by religion or someone who claimed to be a Christian, do me a favor and try to set that all aside for a brief moment, find a quiet place, and try connecting with him. You might be surprised at what he has to say!
Blessings on Blessings,